So I have officially graduated from high school. I'll never see everyone in my class all together again. I'll never have high school work to do again. I'm finishedd. It's weird but happy. Our graudation ceremony was less than an hour long and it just felt weird. Like I felt like I was in a dream or something (not good or bad, just weird). Of course one of the speakers brought up Field Day again and we were all like WTF basically. She probably tried to top Jen's speech but that's basically impossible. It was so weird seeing all my teachers and stuff for the last time. I'm probably going to miss some of my teachers more than some of my classmates. I was really sad at graduation just because I really feel like my youth is down the drain. I am aware that I am a drama queen, but like high school is over. I have four more years to do whatever and then that's basically it. I'm subject to doing the same thing every single day for the rest of my life with no long breaks or anything, until I die, with nothing to look forward to. Sometimes I hate having such an existential view on things, but it's really an excellent coping mechanism when things go wrong. Not that anything has been going particularly wrong, so now it's just kind of depressing. I'm such an emo kid sometimes..
This past week was senior week. I seriously don't even know where to begin. Like I have no idea. I felt like I was at the beach for literally a month cause I saw so many different people and was always doing something or going somewhere. It was a lot of fun but by the end I was getting kinda burned out cause I felt like I was there for so long. We got evicted which was lovely. Honestly when it happened, I could not stop laughing, partly because I was in shock that it had such good timing and that it didn't happen sooner, and partly because I was slightly intoxicated. The only thing that sucks is now we don't get the security deposit back, but whatever. It makes for a good story. And drama llama is going to be a new saying when things get intense (haha <3). I'm not gonna even bother trying to summarize the week much more than that. One day I'll learn to put my fucking phone away when I have alcohol in me though.. and that will be a glorious day.
So now it's summer.. for real this time, not "hey have two weeks off and then come back and graduate". It's really hitting me that everything I do is for the last time. Like I'll probably never have a full fall, winter, or spring in Maryland again. I feel like everything is just changing. I'll probably hang out with more Mercy people this summer than I did this whole school year and i'll be done being a loner but we'll see. I pretty much isolated myself except from a select few people this year cause I just couldn't deal with things and people but whatevv. Two months basically and then I'm gonee. It's gonna be really weird like the first time I come home. I feel like a lot is going to be different. I'm so excited for fall though. I'm really excited for orientation though just cause it'll be preparation for the school year which i'm excited about. I just can't wait to be out of Maryland really. I haven't found my niche here and I want to be away from home. I'm kind of scared for the academic portion because I legit need to get like straight A's or reevaluate what I've always wanted to do with my life. No pressure or anything.
Whatever. OH.. something I'm completely infuriated and depressed about: I leave for one freaking week, and I come back to the mall and Gloria Jeans is gone. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK. I literally go there almost EVERY time I work, and now it's gone! Fuck starbucks, gloria jeans was where it was at. And now it's gone.. forever. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. UGH. That just shows how much they're changing the mall, and when I come home the first time from college, it's gonna be crazy different. It'll be really nice but I don't ride change well sometimes. It depends. But anywayy, I'm gonna go find something to do. Probably not, but I can pretend.
Of course I'm getting into one of my reflective little moods where I can't decide whether I'm content or discontent or what. I need to stop thinking so much.. seriously. It just never stopss. And you would think it would be about high school ending but it's probably everything but that. We have five days left of classes left which is five too many, and then exams. Ms. McGinty is a stupid whore and is making Noel and I take the regular exam, even though we took the AP. The only not that bad thing about it is that I have it the same day I have Bio, so she's not really taking a day off away from me that I would have had otherwise. But i'm still a little angry. Oh well though, there's nothing I can do. It's her form of vengance since she's mad that we took it. I can't tell how I did on it. There was a decent amount of stuff on it that I didn't know but when I took practice tests, I got everything that I did know right. But then again I never do as well on the real thing as I do on practice tests. French was ehhh. Literally French is one of the hardest AP's you can take.. I didn't feel that badly about it, like I thought a 3 wasn't that crazy of a thought until I got to the speaking ha. I couldn't concentrate of what I was saying at all cause I could hear Sarah talking too. I would have done much better if I just had silence but oh well. Neither of them affect my grade and if I didn't do well on them it really doesn't matter.
Anyway, of course i'm really excited for classes to end and to be done with school because I'm so done with school, obviously. I'm so excited to just lay around and be worthless. I have a ridiculous list of books I want to read and then a few other tasks I want to do. And i'm so excited for orientation and just to be at VT. Words in no way can express how excited I am for fall. There are two things bothering me about it but I'll have to get over both of them, and everything else is exciting so I guess that overpowers the two things.
And I wish some of my teachers would stop trying to go full speed with 5 days left. I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are in now way going to be able to teach us 18 chapters with 2 or 3 days of classes left.
Oh and I think that Borders has become my favorite place ever. I can be in the worst mood every and I just go to Borders and I feel so much better. Whether i'm stressed out, just discontent about other things.. I don't know why.
I think part of my discontentment comes from just like being here. There are like five people that I actually enjoy hanging out with, there's rarely anything to do, I feel like I have next to nothing in common with other people, and ugh I don't know. I need college now. And I think it's safe to say that once college ends, I'm not coming back to Maryland too ha.
And now I think I may attempt homework since I have to work at 3. I've literally been at the mall like everyday for at least the past week or two. It's pathetic ha. Not all of those times are for working but still. Oh well.. I actually don't mind working a lot these days since school is worthless.. not to mention I need money for various things. Okay I'm done rambling now.
- Music:death cab
I can't believe it's Sunday already, and I have to endure yet ANOTHER week of school. It needs to end already! I feel like there are some people that are getting either sad or nervous about high school ending.. but I'm neither.. at all. I don't know if I should feel bad about that or not ha. Oh wellll. We got report cards Friday.. I'm really happy cause I'll be exempt for Lit and Sociology! aka, I'll only have to take one exam during senior exam week! (Biology, of course). For futures we'll just have a book report in our journal, and then for Stats and French I'm taking the AP's. So I won't have to deal with much during that week! Except before then I will, since I'm attempting to teach myself a few statistics chapters, and a few aspects of French are a little rough right now.. but I'll work on it.
I'm excitedd for next weekend cause i'm going to VT. My parents will probably be a littlee annoying but I guess I'll deal. I have a lot of questions/concerns though because since they like to ruin my life (I've pretty much vented about this to anyone that will listen... multiple times) and not let me double major in what I want to, I have to choose. Ughghdfghf. Oh well I guess everything will be fine in the end haha.
Anyway, I'm really excited to get little to no sleep this week since that's been what happens every school week. Ugh.. And I've been doing a great job procrastinating today.. I went tanning, to Michaels, and to the mall. None of which were productive, at all but it's okay. Tomorrow is a half day which I am THRILLED about.. Then I have to work tomorrow night but that's the only time I work this week. I very content with that cause it'll give me a little bit of a break... I can't think of anything else so I'm gonna stop writing this and attempt to start homework! Ugh good luck with that..
- Music:Yael Naim
So we're on spring break finally! woo! I have a lot to do though and very little time. I can't wait until summer when there aren't as many time constraints for everything. I guess I'll deal. I haven't really done much in the first two days. Today we had exercise practice and I was pretty impressed because everyone almost everyone actually showed up and we have one song done. Then I had to work.. and I got paid today, and my direct deposit kicked in already! So I don't have to wait until like Wednesday to have my money which is exciting.
Oh and yesterday my VT packet came! I was a little paranoid that they may have made a mistake on the computer but now i'm fully convinced. I put the sticker on the car already and I sent in the deposit bright and early this morning, ha. I'm so excited for college and a lot of the people I've met already seem really chill. I'm excited and nervous for all my friends that are waiting until April 1stt! Oh and Delaware refuses to send me my admission decision.. some people have heard from them and some haven't.. which is weird. I mean I don't care if I get in or not, and I'm kind of not expecting to get in, but i'm curious. And Clemson was like uh yo we don't have your transcripts even thought I for sure sent them.. Oh well I don't even care. It'd be nice to know but it really doesn't matter.
It's so weird that sunday is easter!? This spring break is so early it's weird. I'm not really a fan though.. I don't know actually. I can't really see it being too eventful but I'm content with that. I really don't know what else to write, I just feel like I haven't written in this thing in a while.. wow a whole week.. that's pretty bad if that feels like a while to me. Anyway, peace.
So let me tell you about my day.
I'm innocently online, I randomly checked my mercy email out of boredom and of course there was nothing. Then like 20 minutes later (because if you know me, you know i'm an OCD email checker), I looked, once again out of boredom.
There was an email from Virginia Tech saying that the decisions have been made and I could check online now, and I would be recieving it in the mail april 1st. Uhh check online now?? As soon as I read that my heart started pounding and I started shaking.
I had never been more afraid in my entire life..
Well, after my three hour freak out fest, I finally ended up checking on my labtop in the panera parking lot (don't ask), and of course, the page took forever to load.
Then I it said something about my major on the first page that was different from the normal log in, and I had to click my name to see my status. Everything looked exactly the same as before, and I scrolled down a bit and all I saw in blue writing was "Congratulations, you have been offered admission...." or something like that and was in complete disbelief. I have never been more happy in my life. I have had more anxiety, fear, stress, hope, and everything in between for the past 8 months, and now it has all ended. I'm still in disbelief, it feels so surreal, but i'm so excited now. I'm into my first choice school and I'm sooo happy. I'm so excited to tell my cousins, and for accepted students day at the beginning of April! Hopefully my mom will let me order some stuff from the online bookstore tomorrow....
- Music:Jack Johnson
The spring weather makes me more reflective than anything else in the world... for a lot of reasons that I don't feel like going through but I love it (usually). It reallyy makes me think of the end of the school year, and so does Field Day.
For some reason, I'm really content right now. There is one thing that I'm very discontent about but I can't control that, and time will fix that, but other than that one thing, I'm actually pretty happy with a lot of things. That's a huge accomplishment for me generally too.
Today I opened, it's the first time in a while that I haven't close of worked later on a Sunday and I feel like I have the rest of the dayy and it's really nice! Daylight savings completely made me disoriented too. I thought it was 8:30 and my mom was like uhh don't you have to work at 10 and I was like yeah why and she was like it's almost 10! I had no clue daylight savings was even anywhere near now, it's usually in April! So I rushed around and got to work at 10, but BECCA WAS LATE TOO! (haha just kidding, it's okay!) but daylight savings screwed us both up and it was annoying.
I have a ridiculous amount of work though. Not much due tomorrow, but a ton due Tuesday and I have to work tomorrow night so I really need to do it all tonight.
Friday we went to Body Works 2 for a Bio field trip. It was really hard to grasp the concept that they were real bodies so I don't think it had as strong as an effect on me that it should have, but it was still good. Then we saw an IMAX movie and ate in the Inner Harbor. In the sense of missing classes though it was worthless because I just missed Free, and sociology.. I had the beginning of statistics (I'm really frustrated with that class right now), and we come back to have all of Bio! (as if we hadn't had enough Bio for the day), but we just watched a movie so it was all good. Then Friday night Veronica and I went to Grace's to see her dog! She's really cute.. We went to the Orient and just hung out and it was fun. Last night I had to work.. which I was really unhappy about but it really wasn't that bad so whatever. I got fourty-dollars stolen from my wallet though in the back. It was kind of my fault cause we have lockers and I didn't use it, but I've never had a problem before and I trust everyone that works there. I know for a fact it wasn't anyone that was working so someone must have went back there when we weren't looking cause it was so busy it would have been hard to notice. Ugh it sucks but oh well, there's nothing I can do about it.
Oh and I've been admitted in all four of my safety schools with scholarships to three so far. Now come the harderish ones...
We shall seee.
P.S. Field Day is actually going very well! Our class has FINALLY found it's unifying thread (the hatred for the class of '09, and a love for disney!) And we have a secret weapon..
Anyway, I'm going to go to Borders I think and try and get a hardcore amount of homework done since I have so much.. laterr
- Music:Making April
I actually did a lot this weekend for once in my life and it was a lot of fun (for the most part ha). This week of school went by pretty quickly except Friday felt like Thursday, and Thursday felt like Friday. But Friday night I went out with Grace, Veronica, and Emily to Tervor's friend's house and it actually wasn't sketchy or that awkward which was a nice switch. Then Saturday morning I went to my cousin's baby shower. The circumstances at which she's having the baby are really weird (it's hard to explain) but it was fun and the food was amazing. Of course I got completely HARRASSED about college and I didn't really tell any of them where I applied except for what they already knew. And i got all these speeches about a certain school I really want to go to and it made me even more nervous for April. Whatever though. It was good to see some of my cousins since it had been a while. Then I went to work which was fine and then afterwards I went to Natalie's boyfriend's house, but I'm not gonna go into that cause it kind of ended badly for some. Today I have to work at three and then I guessss I should do my homework too. For some reason, a lot of the other private schools have off tomorrow which is completely ridic and snow is kind of out of the questionn. Oh and we started field day stuff. I'm actually excited this year.. it's kinda cute how everyone's coming together so early and I think we migh actually have a chance at winning, or at least I really hope so cause I hatteee the juniors so much. But anyway, I guess I'm gonna take a nap or something now cause I haven't gotten to sleep in at all..
- Music:JBros Cover
Another week of school to endure..
Today actually wasn't that bad for a Monday and I didn't really get much work today. Hopefully the remainder of the week won't drag. I feel like I write the same things in this thing every day, but oh well.
This weekend was okay, nothing too eventful but fun. I just hung out with people and Sunday I went to Columbia mall (again ha) with Lindsay and Grace. Of course I bought like three shirts. Ugh I legit need to quit buying clothes. I have more clothes than anyone who wears a freaking uniform everyday should have!
Anyway, after the mall we decided to go stalk Veronica. She had been napping for quite some time, so on the way home we went to house to wake her up and it was pretty funny. Her house looked like a crime scene or something cause it was like pitch black and we just like went in her room in the dark and jumped on her to wake her up, and it was very amusing.
So February is basically over, aka March is here. I'm so terrified for the upcoming month from the beginning to March to the beginning of April for those letters (thick and thin) to start rolling in. Terrified doesn't even begin to explain it.
I don't know if I like not knowing or knowing better. With not knowing, all the possibilties are still open, but there comes a point when the anxiety and stress of not knowing builds up and you just need to know. That's the point I'm at now I guess.
This whole process just sucks.. Ugh, oh well.
I actually don't have to work tonight which is weird since I've worked like the past million Mondays, but I'm probably gonna go broke cause I haven't worked as much as I have before but whatever I'll survive. Andd I don't know where else to go with this entry so I'm done now.. later
- Music:Blink 182
Thankk god the weekend is here.. and luckily we have off on Monday. I mean we only had two days back from the "snow" days, but I still needed the weekend pronto. Friday went by pretty slow at school but oh well. Then I didn't have to work so I went to the Calvert Hall/Loyola basketball game with Natalie and Jess. It was a pretty close game but Loyola ended up winning.. Then we just like drove around and went random places and then ended up going back to Natalie's and some other people came over. It was fun though.. Saturday I didn't really do much and then yesterday I went to Columbia mall with Grace and Veronica and then we went to the driving range with her dad and siblings. Let me tell you how good I was at that haha.. oh god.. I mean, it could have been a lot worse though, so whatever. I ended up spending the night at Grace's and we didn't really do much but it was fun. Today I need to really finish my Futures book before work and I'm kinda tired since Grace made me wake up at like 8 haha. I'll definitley be getting coffee before I go to work. School is going to suck but at least it's only a four day week! And the senior retreat is happening so we probably won't be doing much in classes since like almost half the senior class with be gone or something like that. Alrightt I'm gonna go readd..
- Music:Brand New
So this is my pattern.. write in my LJ from 10:30-12 at night, as a form of procrastinating doing homework. And I succeed with this pattern.. in the procrastination that is.
Okay so we had no delay or anything today, but it wasn't that bad. First period we had a breast cancer assembly which was kind of pointless because they kept repeating themselves and it was stuff I've already known. Then the rest of the day was not as painful as I thought it would be but tonight.. ehh..
Well I don't have much homework, but I kind of want to die. My motivation level shifts from day to day, and tonight it shifted way down. Hopefully next week it'll move back up but that's another one of my patterns.
I don't really have anything to write about I just thought I'd try to type some kind of ramblings.. I guess I should do homework?